It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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