Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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