I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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