dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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