too bad you live with your parents still
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize