They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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