My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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