i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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