I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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