I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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