I just pynch a tree in the face
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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