I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
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How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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