I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize