i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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