DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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