She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm at about main and main street
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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