So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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