When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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