I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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