508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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