No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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