Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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