I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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