I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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