dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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