I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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