You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize