the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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