He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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