Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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