I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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