Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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