I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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