this just has baby written all over it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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