I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize