i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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