I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize