i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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