It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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