He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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