Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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