I cannot find my penis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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