are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize