a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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