She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We are two peas in an std pod
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wear drunk well.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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