So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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