I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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