I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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