Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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