I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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